Week 7

A baby’s wail echoes across the hospital . I wonder why it is that I can hear the same cry around the same time every day. It’s haunting  but I am not scared. They are just babies and this is just a hospital where the sick come to be healed. There’s so much space here, every cry is amplified a thousand times wafting in at their own will if you keep the windows open.

There’s a baby next door who’s undergone multiple surgeries. The dressings of her wounds are clinging to her head and her belly. Her father, a small gaunt man, not older than me I’d think,  carries her around , walking about, to entertain her. We sometimes sit in the lobby area looking out at Colombo, with it’s smoky atmosphere and the cluttered landscape. So-many-buildings! The baby looks at me, and my phone, undoubtedly liking the striking yellow color of it. I extend it to her, and she stares at me. She has wide clear eyes, her shaved head is bit too large for her tiny body. She has such a lovely smile. She scrutinizes my face and I wonder if she thinks I am ugly. A female doctor walks over to the baby and smiles but at the very sight of the doctor, the baby’s smile dies on her lips. She looks at her father who’s clearly distressed but he’s talking in subdued tones with the doctor. The baby wouldn’t let the good doctor touch her , no not one bit. 

“Another time”. The doctor smiles. “When she’s more distracted” . 

I walk back into the room where my mother’s sleeping, hoping to upload my 365. 

43/365 12/02/2014 The view from our hospital room.

43/365
12/02/2014
The view from our hospital room.

44/365 13/02/2014 Amma is prepped for surgery

44/365
13/02/2014
Amma is prepped for surgery

45/365 14/02/2014 Post surgery.  We've had some good news and had to come home. I made some plain tea and left the others to their game to nap.

45/365
14/02/2014
Post surgery.
We’ve had some good news and had to come home. I made some plain tea and left the others to their game to nap.

46/365 15/02/2014 The useless sign.

46/365
15/02/2014
The useless sign.

47/365 16/02/2014 Third world problems.

47/365
16/02/2014
Third world problems.

48/365 17/02/2014 Like old friends. Amma's getting her dose of physiotherapy.

48/365
17/02/2014
Like old friends.
Amma’s getting her dose of physiotherapy.

49/365 18/02/2014 Her scars are my scars.

49/365
18/02/2014
Her scars are my scars.

 

 

 

 

Week 5 & Week 6

Blogging from a hospital room. 

My mother is peacefully asleep and it’s a bit too early for me , so I am up in the dark, with only the light from the laptop screen for company, blogging. 

Grief is a personal thing. 

It’s best not bestowed on other people, but people have been kind to me, enormously kind to me, to our family, during the past two weeks. 

My mother has been through hell and back, given her children wings to fly, lived alone, worked all her life, and never for once, thought herself weak or fragile. For all that she has been and been through, when she got sick , I kept thinking, no not her , please not her, knowing all too well, the indifference it makes.

But, the people were amazing. And the universe, it chose to be kind this time. 

She’s ok. Or, better worded , it’s not as bad as we thought it would be. And I am thankful. 

Where’s that girl who took offense at some slight someone did, some comparison some one made and felt small and insignificant? That girl , who was petty and jealous? Perspective , child. grief gives you perspective. Her voice is getting smaller and smaller in my head.

I can now pick out the black from the white, and prioritize.

I only want to spend time with my mother, who let me go when it was needed, who loves me unconditionally, who , even in her present state wonders if I had a proper meal or if I am not too cold.

I don’t know what the future holds for any of us, and Gods be kind, I am petrified, but for now, I am with her and everyone we love is with us and she’s ok. Everyone is OK.

That’s all.

29/365 29/01/2014 Feverish.

29/365
29/01/2014
Feverish.

30/365 30/01/2014 Fled home to be with my mother.

30/365
30/01/2014
Fled home to be with my mother.

31/365 31/01/2014 Shhhhh. Amma is sleeping.

31/365
31/01/2014
Shhhhh. Amma is sleeping.

 

32/365 01/02/2014 Mama. The Original Hipster.

32/365
01/02/2014
Mama. The Original Hipster.

33/365 02/02/2014 The village folk took charge and flocked to the temple to wish my mother a speedy recovery.

33/365
02/02/2014
The village folk took charge and flocked to the temple to wish my mother a speedy recovery.

34/365 03/02/2014 Please be still.

34/365
03/02/2014
Please be still.

35/365 04/02/2014 Seth. My happiness.

35/365
04/02/2014
Seth. My happiness.

36/365 05/02/2014 The view from the temple in the evening.

36/365
05/02/2014
The view from the temple in the evening.

37/365 06/02/2014 Play time  bath time.

37/365
06/02/2014
Play time bath time.

38/365 07/02/2014 A beautiful morning in the village.

38/365
07/02/2014
A beautiful morning in the village.

39/365 08/02/2014 Back in Colombo, for a bit.

39/365
08/02/2014
Back in Colombo, for a bit.

40/365 09/02/2014 My mother naps in the car  after seeing the doctor. She's in pain.

40/365
09/02/2014
My mother naps in the car after seeing the doctor. She’s in pain.

41/365 10/02/2014 At work, to sort out my businesses before I take off again.

41/365
10/02/2014
At work, to sort out my businesses before I take off again.

42/365 11/02/2014 Watched the shadows aimlessly for a while.

42/365
11/02/2014
Watched the shadows aimlessly for a while.