Contradictions

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So we all agree that some of us are only made of contradictions.

And love and some tea.

Throw in a chocolate cake will ya please.

One of those contradictions I am contemplating on these days is my need to be alone versus my need for people.

I’ve been a lot more alone than usual this past year. We moved to a new country for a while and in my quest to be with ‘my person’, I also found time. A large amount of it.

Circumstances would have it that I was alone a lot , and that was fine for a while.

 

I also found out that my moods vary between needing people and being drained by them whenever I was with them.

While I’ve always been more towards being by myself, now I found that I didn’t want to be by myself too much, nor did I want to be around other people for more than a few hours.

I am of the breed of people who must pour every inch of themselves into their relationships so a few hours with people I like would mean , I am depleted of any energy for myself.

Owing to age and a hard earned capacity for self-preservation, I now pace my time between social interactions, I say no, I don’t go places I do not fancy.

I am also now good at timing, when making plans, I know when I need to be home , in my PJs, with tea and a book, in bed before I have to carry around a headache, feeling completely dull and gloomy.

It’s nice however to be married to someone who recognizes this about me and is usually sympathetic about making plans. Darling is of the breed of people who has zero need for recharging , who can go from one social gathering to another, spend days walking and seeing places without tiring himself out and can also fall asleep in a heartbeat.

But he would nudge me out of the house if I’ve been cooped up inside too long, but he would never drag me around if I was miserable.

I am also a bit spoilt that way.

But contradictions.

Do you suffer from any ?

 

 

Young love

How many times have you met someone and didn’t know it because you were busy being the completely self assured version of yourself , a diva, a girl who always said “no” on principle , all at the same time ?

I saw an eight year old boy totally swept off his feet by a 2 year old little girl today and these were my humbling thoughts.

I flashbacked to all the boys of my younger days, the boy next door types, the poets, the nerds , the ones who wanted to carry my backpack for me who I wouldn’t give the time of day to , because..well, because I was an idiot.

Oh to be young and foolish .

All he wanted to do was to hold her hand and show her some clown fish. He would sweep the hair that covered her eyes off her forehead. He would stand aside and watch her play with his younger , more age appropriate brother with the sadness of someone who knew in his heart of hearts that everything was hopeless.

She is the type of girl who knows who she is. She knows what she likes and who she trusts. Do you want to see the gold fish ? Erm, no. Do you want to see a book about fish ? “Uh, no” she would repeat like someone who knows she is adored but is intimidated by the thought . she walks past him with her head held high.

I get you girlfriend. Oh yes I do. I know where you come from and I can totally relate. But being so old and softened and filled with nostalgia for my own younger days , my heart melts for the little boy.

I hope he is learning to handle heart break. One can never be young enough.

“Women and cats will as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to idea” ? I guess ?

Sensitive People

I am sensitive person. I take everything personally.

And my life’s mission is to not offend anyone, because you see, it’s a complex. I have to make everyone like me. Not unlike Monica, no. ( And for all the people who dislike me, perhaps I am not trying hard enough! Oh blah. )

But stranger are the people who are so bold and ballsy that they  say whatever they like and offend people when it’s not even due, and then get all teary and sensitive the moment they feel a jab. When a jab was not even intended. Sheesh.

That awkward moment when you can’t even say something completely innocent to a friend because last time you did, boy weren’t they pissed. And now you wonder why you are friends in the first place. Were they only being nice to you? Sheeeesh.

Are they such strangers that you can’t be yourself perhaps? Oh god were you making a fool of yourself by being yourself?? Were they only humoring you !?! Were they judging you behind closed doors? Face. Palm.

Oh right. This is me, taking everything personally. Ta !

 

Walk with me..

It’s not everyday when we get to hold hands and walk on the road together , but when we do, you can rest assured that I will make a whole photo shoot out of it !

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: )

Our car’s broken hence the walking.

We set off, and the first two people we see are fish sellers. Two people selling fish the old fashioned way, on foot.

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Then we encounter a little truck with a little banner that says they’ll come right to your doorstep and polish your brassware. They are stationed in front of a neighbor’s house with all their traditional brassware out on the side of the road with water and soap and some kind  of machine that make the items shine ! Smaaaaile ! 😀

No.

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Then off to Darling’s aunt’s house.

This house. It fascinates me. And I realise that when a house is lived in for so long, it acquires certain qualities, that makes it immensely romantic to look at. I loved their house and their quirky windows and all the vintage things I could see in the house.

I am fascinated by other people’s homes. :S

I love the house we live in ( Thank you FIL for making a dream come true ) but we’ve only lived in it for such a short time , everything I do to decorate it, looks actually brand new. Even if my style is old fashioned, I still can’t muster the effortless charm that comes naturally with living in one place for far too long.  I worry about things like time, when there won’t be any left of it and I would not get to do what I want to do to complete the dream that is the house we live in. But I digress. Here are some photos I shared on instagram from our visit.

Enjoy!

Blue glass on a windowsill  <3

Blue glass on a windowsill ❤

Lamp of stones

Lamp of stones

Vintage bowl

Vintage bowl

Leaves and prints

Leaves and prints

A note here, a reminder there..

A note here, a reminder there..

Clouds in my window please !

Clouds in my window please !

How pretty is this !

How pretty is this !