Week 11 & 12

People wish you didn’t have your own voice. You couldn’t think for your own self. You couldn’t do your own thing. You need everyone’s approval. So they wish.

I get immensely offended at such behaviour or indication, perhaps because I am overly hot headed, and that comes from my father just like that gene that says, don’t take any bullshit from anyone.

And it boils me blood somewhat to see people being told what to do and even more annoyed if they say what to think. No thank you. I will think for myself. I like knowing your opinion, it helps my thinking, but let’s draw the line somewhere shall we?

Therefore, I dedicate this post to, lines. The very important lines that we are able to draw around our thoughts and decisions that helps one stay on course and not get dragged into doing things because , the world requires one to do them.

May you have the strength to draw some lines. Amen.

71/365 12/03/365 Don't want to miss a thing my love.

71/365
12/03/365
Don’t want to miss a thing my love.

72/365 13/03/2014 Love and Happiness.

72/365
13/03/2014
Love and Happiness.

73/365 14/03/2014 Back to waiting rooms

73/365
14/03/2014
Towards the light, hopefully. 

74/365 15/03/365 Kalu being friendly for once

74/365
15/03/365
Kalu being friendly for once.

75/365 16/03/2014 Garden picks

75/365
16/03/2014
Garden picks

76/365 17/03/2014 My thoughts now revolve around food and what I can make that my mother can eat.

76/365
17/03/2014
My thoughts now revolve around food and what I can make that my mother can eat.

77/365 18/03/2014 Come into my routine.

77/365
18/03/2014
Come into my routine.

78/365 19/03/2014 My mother is trying to work a bit. I watch from afar and frown at her if  she happens to look at me.

78/365
19/03/2014
My mother is trying to work a bit. I watch from afar and frown at her if she happens to look at me.

79/365 20/03/2014 The glow of the evening..

79/365
20/03/2014
The glow of the evening..

80/365 21/03/2014 Going out of the house is a happy occasion.

80/365
21/03/2014
Going out of the house is a happy occasion.

81/365 22/03/2014 Let me never take you for granted. Happy birthday to my father.

81/365
22/03/2014
Let me never take you for granted. Happy birthday to my father.

82/365 23/03/2014 Beginner's luck is strong in this one.

82/365
23/03/2014
Beginner’s luck is strong in this one.

83/365 24/03/2014 My sister is slowly dragging me to her la la land and I kinda love it.

83/365
24/03/2014
My sister is slowly dragging me to her la la land and I kinda love it.

84/365 25/03/2014 The weaver's magic.

84/365
25/03/2014
The weaver’s magic.

 

 

Week 9 & 10

It’s mid morning. I had trouble sleeping for a few nights at a stretch. I fall asleep next to my mother now afraid she might throw up in the middle of the night.

Tears run down her cheeks while being violently sick, she keeps a hand to her chest. I hold her hair back. My husband runs back and forth fetching water and towels. All that she empties into a bucket is tainted red with the medicine she takes. It scared me at first but the doctors said it’s just the color of the meds.

Thankfully, out of three anti vomit tablets, one worked, so she’s able to sleep peacefully at night.

I am emotionally dependant on Darling. While that makes me a bit uncomfortable, he’s been my silver lining, and I realise how blessed I am to be with him. He’s been an amazing friend,  and an extraordinary human being. His kindness in this time of need has been the only thing that’s kept me going. There have been many, many kind people , kinder than I could have ever imagined before this episode of troubles , but his silent presence, his unpretentiousness amazes me every day.

So let this post be a dedication to him and everyone else who were kind to us during a difficult time.

57/365 26/02/2014 Oh how good it is to be home !

57/365
26/02/2014
Oh how good it is to be home !

58/365 27/02/2014 Pillow talk if you will.

58/365
27/02/2014
Pillow talk if you will.

59/365 28/02/2014 Exhaustion

59/365
28/02/2014
Exhaustion

60/365 01/03/2014 Now you are here. Now you are gone. He's been gone for three months and he's missed every day.  (Photo by husband ) 60/365
01/03/2014
Now you are here. Now you are gone. He’s been gone for three months and he’s missed every day. (Photo by husband )

61/365 02/03/365 Life juice.

61/365
02/03/365
Life juice.

62/365 03/03/2014 My pride and my joy.  ( Ehela- cassia fistula )

62/365
03/03/2014
My pride and my joy.
( Ehela- cassia fistula )

63/365 04/03/2014 Sis and Co. is here.

63/365
04/03/2014
Sis and Co. is here.

64/365 05/03/2014 Happiness is a blooming garden.

64/365
05/03/2014
Happiness is a blooming garden.

65/365 06/03/2014 Amma rests.

65/365
06/03/2014
Amma rests.

66/365 07/03/2014 She reads and very fast.

66/365
07/03/2014
She reads and very fast.

67/365 08/03/2014 A fun day riding around Colombo with my brother, doing chores and buying stuff.

67/365
08/03/2014
A fun day riding around Colombo with my brother, doing chores and buying stuff.

68/365 09/03/2014 DIY time !

68/365
09/03/2014
DIY time !

69/365 10/03/2014 A present from hubby. How apt. How timely. How beautiful.

69/365
10/03/2014
A present from hubby. How apt. How timely. How beautiful.

70/365 11/03/2014 The best stories !

70/365
11/03/2014
The best stories !

Week 8

 

 

No words this week.  Just pictures. Because I said I would. So here I am.

50/365 19/02/2014 Silver linings.

50/365
19/02/2014
Silver linings.
51/365 20/02/2014 Love notes delivered to the hospital room. Giggled like a little girl.

51/365
20/02/2014
Love notes delivered to the hospital room. Giggled like a little girl.

52/365 21/02/2014 In all the unlikely places.

52/365
21/02/2014
In all the unlikely places.

53/365 22/02/2014 Seth:Too cool for this shit.

53/365
22/02/2014
Seth:Too cool for this shit.

54/365 23/02/2014 Setbacks.

54/365
23/02/2014
Setbacks.

55/365 24/02/2014 Corrections.

55/365
24/02/2014
Corrections.

56/365 25/02/2014 I am humbled by all this faith.

56/365
25/02/2014
I am humbled by all this faith.

Week 7

A baby’s wail echoes across the hospital . I wonder why it is that I can hear the same cry around the same time every day. It’s haunting  but I am not scared. They are just babies and this is just a hospital where the sick come to be healed. There’s so much space here, every cry is amplified a thousand times wafting in at their own will if you keep the windows open.

There’s a baby next door who’s undergone multiple surgeries. The dressings of her wounds are clinging to her head and her belly. Her father, a small gaunt man, not older than me I’d think,  carries her around , walking about, to entertain her. We sometimes sit in the lobby area looking out at Colombo, with it’s smoky atmosphere and the cluttered landscape. So-many-buildings! The baby looks at me, and my phone, undoubtedly liking the striking yellow color of it. I extend it to her, and she stares at me. She has wide clear eyes, her shaved head is bit too large for her tiny body. She has such a lovely smile. She scrutinizes my face and I wonder if she thinks I am ugly. A female doctor walks over to the baby and smiles but at the very sight of the doctor, the baby’s smile dies on her lips. She looks at her father who’s clearly distressed but he’s talking in subdued tones with the doctor. The baby wouldn’t let the good doctor touch her , no not one bit. 

“Another time”. The doctor smiles. “When she’s more distracted” . 

I walk back into the room where my mother’s sleeping, hoping to upload my 365. 

43/365 12/02/2014 The view from our hospital room.

43/365
12/02/2014
The view from our hospital room.

44/365 13/02/2014 Amma is prepped for surgery

44/365
13/02/2014
Amma is prepped for surgery

45/365 14/02/2014 Post surgery.  We've had some good news and had to come home. I made some plain tea and left the others to their game to nap.

45/365
14/02/2014
Post surgery.
We’ve had some good news and had to come home. I made some plain tea and left the others to their game to nap.

46/365 15/02/2014 The useless sign.

46/365
15/02/2014
The useless sign.

47/365 16/02/2014 Third world problems.

47/365
16/02/2014
Third world problems.

48/365 17/02/2014 Like old friends. Amma's getting her dose of physiotherapy.

48/365
17/02/2014
Like old friends.
Amma’s getting her dose of physiotherapy.

49/365 18/02/2014 Her scars are my scars.

49/365
18/02/2014
Her scars are my scars.

 

 

 

 

Week 5 & Week 6

Blogging from a hospital room. 

My mother is peacefully asleep and it’s a bit too early for me , so I am up in the dark, with only the light from the laptop screen for company, blogging. 

Grief is a personal thing. 

It’s best not bestowed on other people, but people have been kind to me, enormously kind to me, to our family, during the past two weeks. 

My mother has been through hell and back, given her children wings to fly, lived alone, worked all her life, and never for once, thought herself weak or fragile. For all that she has been and been through, when she got sick , I kept thinking, no not her , please not her, knowing all too well, the indifference it makes.

But, the people were amazing. And the universe, it chose to be kind this time. 

She’s ok. Or, better worded , it’s not as bad as we thought it would be. And I am thankful. 

Where’s that girl who took offense at some slight someone did, some comparison some one made and felt small and insignificant? That girl , who was petty and jealous? Perspective , child. grief gives you perspective. Her voice is getting smaller and smaller in my head.

I can now pick out the black from the white, and prioritize.

I only want to spend time with my mother, who let me go when it was needed, who loves me unconditionally, who , even in her present state wonders if I had a proper meal or if I am not too cold.

I don’t know what the future holds for any of us, and Gods be kind, I am petrified, but for now, I am with her and everyone we love is with us and she’s ok. Everyone is OK.

That’s all.

29/365 29/01/2014 Feverish.

29/365
29/01/2014
Feverish.

30/365 30/01/2014 Fled home to be with my mother.

30/365
30/01/2014
Fled home to be with my mother.

31/365 31/01/2014 Shhhhh. Amma is sleeping.

31/365
31/01/2014
Shhhhh. Amma is sleeping.

 

32/365 01/02/2014 Mama. The Original Hipster.

32/365
01/02/2014
Mama. The Original Hipster.

33/365 02/02/2014 The village folk took charge and flocked to the temple to wish my mother a speedy recovery.

33/365
02/02/2014
The village folk took charge and flocked to the temple to wish my mother a speedy recovery.

34/365 03/02/2014 Please be still.

34/365
03/02/2014
Please be still.

35/365 04/02/2014 Seth. My happiness.

35/365
04/02/2014
Seth. My happiness.

36/365 05/02/2014 The view from the temple in the evening.

36/365
05/02/2014
The view from the temple in the evening.

37/365 06/02/2014 Play time  bath time.

37/365
06/02/2014
Play time bath time.

38/365 07/02/2014 A beautiful morning in the village.

38/365
07/02/2014
A beautiful morning in the village.

39/365 08/02/2014 Back in Colombo, for a bit.

39/365
08/02/2014
Back in Colombo, for a bit.

40/365 09/02/2014 My mother naps in the car  after seeing the doctor. She's in pain.

40/365
09/02/2014
My mother naps in the car after seeing the doctor. She’s in pain.

41/365 10/02/2014 At work, to sort out my businesses before I take off again.

41/365
10/02/2014
At work, to sort out my businesses before I take off again.

42/365 11/02/2014 Watched the shadows aimlessly for a while.

42/365
11/02/2014
Watched the shadows aimlessly for a while.

Week 4

Here we are, already done with week 4 and I don’t know where time has gone. 

Tom Hiddleston however, slowed down time for me today when I had to be home because I’ve caught myself a urine infection. Ugh. 

I fell asleep listening to his soothing voice, reciting the Sonnet 18 . ( Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day? )

Here’s the link. Tell me you are not awed. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b6Q_Ioj6AhQ

And, here are the pictures from week 4. It seems to me, that the project 365 has turned into a reminder of how fast time can really move when you are not watching it. 

Enjoy ! 

22/365 22/01/2014 Lava cake fresh off the oven, for our lovely Su. Happy birthday !

22/365
22/01/2014
Lava cake fresh off the oven, for our lovely Su. Happy birthday !

23/365 23/01/365 After Jazzercise. Today was a supremely fun class.

23/365
23/01/365
After Jazzercise. Today was a supremely fun class.

24/365 24/01/2014 Shooting GroupM for the global website.

24/365
24/01/2014
Shooting GroupM for the global website.

25/365 25/01/2014 Parents are visiting ! Yay !

25/365
25/01/2014
Parents are visiting ! Yay !

26/365 26/01/2014 Kala pola and late lunch.  Having a late late Sunday lunch is becoming a habit for me , hubby and Nalinda.

26/365
26/01/2014
Kala pola and late lunch.
Having a late late Sunday lunch is becoming a habit for me , hubby and Nalinda.

27/365 27/01/2014 Pretty display. Phlebotomy room at the Hemas hospital.  The nurse scolded me for taking a photo after a took it. I apologised.

27/365
27/01/2014
Pretty display.
Phlebotomy room at the Hemas hospital.
The nurse scolded me for taking a photo after a took it. I apologised.

28/365 28/01/2014 At home with a urine infection.  Saw this. http://www.etsy.com/listing/72073862/girl-with-red-balloon-original-mixed And wanted to make it to kill time.

28/365
28/01/2014
At home with a urine infection.
Saw this. http://www.etsy.com/listing/72073862/girl-with-red-balloon-original-mixed
And wanted to make it to kill time.

 

Week 3 !

I never think of myself as anything. 

I don’t like labels, I don’t like thinking myself as one way or another because, I am not. 

I don’t like to think I am fierce or that I am gentle, I find that I am a constant ball of contradictions, tangled up in one another. And there’s my comfort. 

I am made of lot of broken pieces , held together by love, if you will. I feel sadness deep in my bones just as much as I feel love. I feel anger and jealousy and pity , red hot and deep purple , and I hate myself when I do, and God knows I like a bit of distance. So I am cold. Sue me. 

I don’t try to be anything, just somebody I can live with, I just want the world to treat me as such. But no. The world wants many things. And I have to live with the world. 

This post is pointless, and is frustrating so here I am , making it into the fourth week, giving you the pictures from the third. 

Enjoy!

15/365 15/01/2014 Poya day in the temple

15/365
15/01/2014
Poya day in the temple

16/365 16/01/2014 Mr Suity Man, getting ready to go places

16/365
16/01/2014
Mr Suity Man, getting ready to go places

17/365 17/01/2014 What if all Fridays started at 4.30pm ?

17/365
17/01/2014
What if all Fridays started at 4.30pm ?

18/365 18/01/2014 Nesting.  Made some clay eggs for a nest I found on the side of the road.

18/365
18/01/2014
Nesting.
Made some clay eggs for a nest I found on the side of the road.

19/365 19/01/2014 Leaving home, leaving Seth , always breaks my heart.

19/365
19/01/2014
Leaving home, leaving Seth , always breaks my heart.

20/365 20/01/2014 Hate being home alone.

20/365
20/01/2014
Hate being home alone.

21/365 21/01/2014 Hoping for peace.

21/365
21/01/2014
Hoping for peace.